my mom is one of the most amazing people to ever walk this planet.
having her, in a hospital bed, helpless, and alone at night, is not my ideal predicament.
seeing her laying in that hospital bed breaks my heart. watching her move, in pain, around her room, sort of kills me inside. i hate it. i hate this whole... fucked up stupidity.
i really do.
anyway.
i miss her. i really do. i think life just isn't the same without her here. i love her smile, her laugh, everything. i just can't deal with her not being here, it's driving me up the wall.
on another note, i cried today at work a few times. also, james is amazing. he sent me a random text, (right when i was mid-tears mind you) that just said: "this text is encrypted with love."
i couldn't even respond that's how much i just... i just needed something really quick and simple like that. it made me smile. he bypassed all the frivolous, the stupid and mundane, the routine "how're you", and got straight to the point, and the point was to make me smile, and make me smile it did.
i was told i was beautiful today by a customer. that also made my day brighter. and by the end of my shift (and after a particularly well-made triple tall marble mocha macchiato with raspberry and non-fat milk and extra chocolate drizzle) i was feeling significantly better.
there was so much more that i had intended to be in this update... what can i say. i'm possibly no longer enrolled in school because there was a mix-up with my financial aid. literally may be screwed over. i hate it. that letter broke my heart today; right before work none the less.
however... i am so in love with the random shuffle of music that's been happening on my itouch. i have so little music on there, but all of it (minus the majority of the d-sides gorillaz album that i'm sure will just take some time for me to love) makes me smile.
saw a ghost of dave slattery earlier this week. caught me off guard. it obviously wasn't him, dave is in ireland. but. it made me wonder how he is.
too bad i'm too chicken to email him again; it just didn't end well.
which is a shame. i hate it.
i'm such a coward - oy!
valentines day! FUCK.
i'm not looking forward to that at all. don't get me wrong; i'm not some pompous moron who believes that all of these hallmark holidays are as superfluous as the people who celebrity them (okay, maybe a little bit). i just don't want to close. and not feel loved.
well. "not feel loved" is a bit over dramatic. i know i'm loved.
but who doesn't want a soft kiss on a day that's supposedly ridiculously romantic?
whatever.
the gorillaz and i have a lovely date with some penne ala vodka from diana's horrible day she had last night and the last few episodes of dead like me (which is great. go watch it.)
i think i'm going to make a list of sorts sometime soon... things that still really make me happy.
unfiltered, of course.
adieu? for now.
only for now.
-aleey.
ps. hey, smile. you're breathing, right?
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