oh, death. oh, oh, death. won't you spare me over. for another year.

a while ago i started a list of things i wanted to do before i died. now, considering i've preached that i was gonna die sometime before i was twenty-three, this list now needs to be completed within roughly a year and a half, or so. so let's see! i have to update the list, hm? i don't even remember it anymore.

well, i guess it doesn't matter. i don't actually believe i'm going to die soon, so, ha.

so far as updates on my actual life go, things are pretty smooth sailing. i've officially been accepted and set-up with classes at hofstra, and that's a nice little consolation prize after the long break i took from school. work sucks, but that's just normal at this point. i'm trying to get a new job... but that fire is no longer lit, now that i plan on returning to school full time in the fall. tom insists that i'm going to be bored out of my mind working only once a week. i guess we'll see how it goes.

i don't want to have to pull all-nighters, but i'm going to need money... if it means working the weekends and a few nights a week, so be it. it sucks, going to school nine-five each day but what am i gonna do? i want to graduate at some point, i want to drop school like a bad habit at one point.

however...

hmmm.

you are my sweetest downfall
i loved you first, i loved you first
beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
but they're just old light, they're just old light

i love regina spektor. sigh.

the dishwasher is whirring away, i've got hey arnold to watch, and i think i may be able to con a nice looking guy to come visit me.

not really, but a girl can dream ;)

ha. i'm such a cornball.

oh! i was perusing old posts (and/or old blogs) and found the penn pipers singing "down by the salley gardens" and i got chills.

god i miss ireland so much. i'm hoping dave (irish dave) will message me back at some point. i'd love to see how he is.

oh, and here's dead poetic blasting oh so sweetly.

time to relax. (: adieu, mon cheres.

-elie

sleepy.

nothing i'm putting here will matter, ha, i'm just so bored i'm writing in this.

so hi and bye and goodnight.

"say goodnight grace."
"goodnight grace!"

-aleey

my head is dizzy

well, this weeks been an interesting summation of highs and lows. mostly highs, thankfully. i'm extremely exhausted however.

main good points:
lots of deadpool reading.
had some fabulous events with girls from work/danielle.
had a loooong couple of days at work that made me feel happy.
fell asleep at eight pm. (:

there's more. i think there's more to think about. argh.

why! bye!

-aleey.

it's like picking up trash in dresses.

try me five times today and i'll crack like a walnut, try me six and i'll crumble like dried out bread

try me seven times, try me, seven times
and i'll be as easily broken as the thinnest of ice

but don't count on me to show you anything

because i never could, i never can, i never will

sorry, play again?

and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like picking up trash in dresses
and it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
kind of turn themselves into blades
and the kind and courteous is a life i've heard
but it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
oh, dear

a nutella flavored finger tip, salty skin and bread and peanut butter
wash me down with milk.

today was a bingo wednesday. and oh, the adventures i had.

the jacks and the early birds were all in a different box. so sharon and i went on an adventure from maspeth (closer to manhattan) to jamaica (just outside of flushing.)

eventually we achieved getting what we needed. and went back. and sold. i got twenty bucks extra. (: because one of the people we knew won the jackpot full card. (1000 bucks. niiiiice.) so i got some extra dough.

not that i can use it for anything personally. i'm so hard up for money these days i'm thinking of doing something crazy.

...no, not really.

...maybe.

my stomachs in knots. thank you, world, for making me one of the most obscurely ridiculous people alive.

really.

i appreciate this.

thanks.

well. now. let's see... right! i'm not ever going to work for apple. now i need to look, seriously look, for a better job.

because what i make an hour isn't cutting it anymore. so, yar.

i want to do something today. perhaps i shall don a beautiful skirt and some cute shoes and bug joanna to go out with me to... hm. maybe we'll go to the brew. or the cup. get some coffee and play some card games.

she needs to distractions. and i wouldn't mind a few hours with my best friend spent doing nothing other than talking and making jokes and having fun.

so, yes. so far i lean toward that.

this shit is bananas. b-a-n-a-n-a-s.

-aleey.

ps: i downloaded the pokemon theme song and the pokerap via itunes. yes, bask in the nerdiness that is my life.

get the cool

get the cool shoe shine.

they do the bump.

feathers of an arrow.

i think my ipod and i are just in sync lately. re-bought "the sound" by further seems forever.

have "jim's theme" from that movie treasure planet.

i feel like dance, dance, dancing.

maybe.

oy! school!

i should sleep.

...please, snow, stop.

please.

-aleey.

so let me explain.

my mom is one of the most amazing people to ever walk this planet.

having her, in a hospital bed, helpless, and alone at night, is not my ideal predicament.

seeing her laying in that hospital bed breaks my heart. watching her move, in pain, around her room, sort of kills me inside. i hate it. i hate this whole... fucked up stupidity.

i really do.

anyway.

i miss her. i really do. i think life just isn't the same without her here. i love her smile, her laugh, everything. i just can't deal with her not being here, it's driving me up the wall.

on another note, i cried today at work a few times. also, james is amazing. he sent me a random text, (right when i was mid-tears mind you) that just said: "this text is encrypted with love."

i couldn't even respond that's how much i just... i just needed something really quick and simple like that. it made me smile. he bypassed all the frivolous, the stupid and mundane, the routine "how're you", and got straight to the point, and the point was to make me smile, and make me smile it did.

i was told i was beautiful today by a customer. that also made my day brighter. and by the end of my shift (and after a particularly well-made triple tall marble mocha macchiato with raspberry and non-fat milk and extra chocolate drizzle) i was feeling significantly better.

there was so much more that i had intended to be in this update... what can i say. i'm possibly no longer enrolled in school because there was a mix-up with my financial aid. literally may be screwed over. i hate it. that letter broke my heart today; right before work none the less.

however... i am so in love with the random shuffle of music that's been happening on my itouch. i have so little music on there, but all of it (minus the majority of the d-sides gorillaz album that i'm sure will just take some time for me to love) makes me smile.

saw a ghost of dave slattery earlier this week. caught me off guard. it obviously wasn't him, dave is in ireland. but. it made me wonder how he is.

too bad i'm too chicken to email him again; it just didn't end well.

which is a shame. i hate it.

i'm such a coward - oy!

valentines day! FUCK.

i'm not looking forward to that at all. don't get me wrong; i'm not some pompous moron who believes that all of these hallmark holidays are as superfluous as the people who celebrity them (okay, maybe a little bit). i just don't want to close. and not feel loved.

well. "not feel loved" is a bit over dramatic. i know i'm loved.

but who doesn't want a soft kiss on a day that's supposedly ridiculously romantic?

whatever.

the gorillaz and i have a lovely date with some penne ala vodka from diana's horrible day she had last night and the last few episodes of dead like me (which is great. go watch it.)

i think i'm going to make a list of sorts sometime soon... things that still really make me happy.

unfiltered, of course.

adieu? for now.

only for now.

-aleey.

ps. hey, smile. you're breathing, right?

so, right.

today started fine, with class and home and showering and work, but then i don't know... work took off in this negative way, and now i'm just...

i don't know. i don't want to go in tomorrow, i don't want to see people, i sort of just want to cry, the problem is there's no reason behind... any of it.

i want to see you.

is hating myself appropriate when there's no good reason to not?

fuck i sound like a whiny depressed bitch.

i don't mean to. my life isn't terrible.

i just.

whatever.

-aleey.