aha, aha

i've watched two movies this weekend. the first one was ondine.

i really enjoyed it. i also came to the conclusion that i must have a subconscious affinity for colin farrell movies. i've seen a good chunk of the thirty-five he's been in: ondine, SWAT, the recruit, phonebooth, scrubs (tv show), minority report, daredevil.

etc.

anyway. onto ondine: premise of the movie is that a fisherman (farrell) finds a woman in his fishing net. his daughter swears up and down that the woman, whose name we don't know (she says to call her ondine - which was a woman who showed up on the water or something), is a selke. selke: a seal who comes ashore after its lost its sealcoat. it can only return if it finds its sealcoat; but it can bury it for seven years and stay on the land and often times would fall in love with a landsman. there was mention of something to do with seven tears, but i missed that part for some reason. anyway. the little girl (annie, farrell's daughter) is in a wheel chair, but can walk. she has kidney failure. there's a nice element of supernatural to it, but i love the realism in the end. it shatters it, and yet, keeps it up. i liked it. it wasn't anything to write home about, but it was definitely enjoyable.

also, is saw source code. i have an issue with movies when i already know the outcome. and this movie had its outcome spelled out in commercials, so i don't know what i was expecting entirely. however, much like at the end of the fighter, i wanted it all to happen. i was emotionally invested. i think gyllenhaal did a good job. and i love michelle monaghan. the entire movie i kept picturing her from kiss kiss, bang bang which is a problem, of course. she's hilarious in that movie. but that's neither here nor there. there were little nuances that i enjoyed. him calling his father, the sly under-handed suggestion of creating alternate realities (or of permeating them), and i have to ask hobbit again what he said, but i think he was right about the whole loop of things. i'm happy that it ended the way it did, but if it had gone the other way, i'd be just as happy.

so there making a movie called priest soon. something or other based off an american-style-manga. i saw the preview last night. i'll see it because it has paul bettany, then again, i saw legion because bettany was in it, and look how that turned out...

i forgot i put blindside on here. i just transferred a whole bunch of cds onto my computer. there's quite a bit.

i'm tired and feeling guilty for not sticking to my schedule, set up as of yesterday. but i don't really feel too guilty. i've been looking forward to this vacation for awhile.

i had a strange dream that dane was walking me to playwriting last night. it was weird. very weird. we left a high school poetry reading where i was emcee-ing, (which i did do in high school my senior year, i think) and then we left. it was a bit of a flashback. and one of the girls from my native american lit class was there... and so we walked across in the dark and the rain (because apparently that's what it look liked mid-day). and i got lost in the school's cafeteria, and they made me spit my gum out in the middle of the hallway. i didn't even remember chewing gum. and then i broke into a building... it was weird. quite peculiar.

i'm not teddy bear

this is an interesting song. ha.

i'm going to need to get into the shower soon. and eat something. should definitely eat something.

it's weird, missing someone. even more so when the reason you miss them is fueled by confusion. and the need for clarification. but i'm too scared to ask for it, out of fear of the answer. i figure if they wanted to tell me they would've, right?

all right. going now for a bit.

huzzah!

-aleey

oh snack

you so silly!

aha!

oh, peoples hernandez. ha.

now that i'm convinced

that no one other than the people i know of read this stupid idiotic blog, i'm going to just get everything that's been boiling in my head out, before i rightly explode.

this kid, bryan. yeah, i really like him. he's pretty cool, tall, nice and funny, really intelligent and a great writer. i get inspired when i read his plays, or when i skimmed something else he'd been writing. but that's not just why i like him. i just feel that buzz. that adrenaline, the feeling you get when there's someone by you that makes you want to be more you, as if you show it more clearly on your skin they'll be better attracted to you. as if you let everything out into the air, they'll look at you and breathe you in and feel the same way.

and for a short while, i felt maybe. maybe he liked me back. even just a little bit. but now i don't know. and i don't know if i did something wrong, or said something idiotic, or babbled away too much to the point where his ears started to bleed and he couldn't take anymore of it. maybe i'm just too nerdy for him. or too flaky. 'cause let's been honest, who the hell wants to listen to some girl talk about trees? and the sky? and be so crazy artsy in her soul that she thinks incredibly differently.

no, i'm not saying i'm some kind of freak outcast. i'm not. but there is a part of me that's always trying to get out. i remember this one time i was in the car on my way to school with my mom and my brother, and i'd put in the amici forever cd. amici forever is this great opera band that i'd discovered one early morning at the diner (i was leaning against the tv area, waiting for more diners, and there'd been an infomercial for them). so i put in the cd. and whenever i listen to it my body ripples. i can feel everything moving through me, touching each nerve. so i told my mom and brother how it made me feel. and what happened?

they laughed.

i keep feeling different things, they make me feel differently, and i'm kept in my own box because really? who the hell cares anymore. i don't like sharing these things, these thoughts, because i go off on tangents. so i deflect to normality. or try to, anyway. but it always comes out. that strange nerdiness, that awkward human that i've always been inside shines through and i ruin my chances by being humanly flawed. again.

so i don't know what happened. i know strudel tried to find out, but the phrase i don't think half drunk and through proxy of a friend named after a pastry is the ideal way to have this conversation.

he doesn't need to say anything else.

psychologically speaking, that's his way of saying no, i don't like her. it'd be easier if he'd done that. when you're asked a fairly direct question, the answer can either be yes or no. when you don't directly answering the question, hide it within other things and other words and other thoughts, you're hiding the response that isn't ideal.

just give the response. let it just happen. i'm not heartbroken, so to speak. just confused. again.

it's not the end of the world obviously. i have a life and i live it. but i'm not someone who easily just jumps from person to person. it's a long process of me fighting myself over having feelings. unfortunately, my feelings and not my reasoning won out on this one. and i tried to hard. so i think i'll just stop there and now and eat my sausage mcgriddle (which i don't really like, because who puts syrup on savory foods?) and watch another movie until danie texts or calls me about today (if it's still happening).

which reminds me, i owe alex a day too. damnit. i got to get this week figured out. all right, quick overview of when i need to get stuff done and for what:

monday: read painted drum. think on essay. work four-to-close.

tuesday: start to rework play. if time allows, start essay on painted drum. work four-to-close.

wednesday: double at the bingo halls. won't have much school work time.

thursday: all day i'm off. so, i know i'm helping joey find a present for strudel. also, need to read history and start writing that paper (six-eight pages).

friday: no work again. work on papers, fine-tuning. read don quixote pages 1-150. ish. in between helping make the sponakopeta and ravani. mmm. greek food.

saturday: same as friday.

sunday: easter sunday! lots of eating, and sleeping.

monday: work 7-3, hang around a bit, drop off cyndi's stuff back at bill of rights, and out to denny's for corey's celebratory bacon meal.

tuesday i'm back at school.

i feel exhausted just thinking about this week. right now i'm converting all of my old cds onto the laptop. my brother put 53 random albums onto my phone for me yesterday. i plan on adding more once the transitions here are done. on the list of cd's that i've discovered today hiding in my house are:

newsboys, 38th parallel, skillet, old "stars" cd, incubus, fleet foxes, flobots, tfk, tori amos, josh groban, lily haydn, nbc soundtrack, all the classical music eric gave me, chase (can't wait to listen to chase again...), zeppelin, bad company.

freezing right now. guh. the wind is blowing away. i have so many cds to put on here... guhh.

my arms are covered in goosebumps. guh! all right, off i go. i need to shower at some point. soon, really. i need to get ready. danie doesn't let me leave the house if i don't look haflway decent as human beings go. which is sort of funny when you think of it... she makes me dress girly. strange strange strange.

all right.

off.

-aleey

nicholas cage

went to jail. and got bailed out by dog the bounty hunter.

your argument is now invalid.

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b236853_dog_bounty_hunter_bails_nicolas_cage.html

head still hurts

all of those plans i had for today fell through as i turned into a sicky who fell about the couch. i slept for a good two hours or so, ate some food when my uncle came around, read some stuff on my phone and did a lot of nothing.

my head is killing me, my throat is killing me and i just want to curl up in a room where no one else is and lay under covers and just pretend. play make believe. i do that a lot.

i've had something (for lack of better word) ticking in my head lately. i don't know if it's a story or a poem, but i need to start writing it soon. i need to finish the she the spool poem soon. it's waiting for me. i think i have it sitting in my bag somewhere... i should look for my bag. and take my birth control. frak. didn't do that today. frak.

strudel and i went through a "hey, what did we used to listen to as a kid" song phase last night.

let's see what i remember: "bitch" by meredith brooks, "larger than life" backstreet boys, "sk8ter boi" by avril lavigne, "wannabe we" by spice girls, "scars" by papa roach, and so many others. i just can't remember.

i want to rewatch "the science of sleep" again. i haven't seen it in years. i wonder if it's on netflix. or somewhere. hum. movies i want to watch over the break:

science of sleep

braveheart?

dancing at lughnasa

let the right one in

con air

rescue dawn

equilibrium

diehard movies (all of them?)

saved

pokemon: the movie (maybe, but without james where's the fun)

return to me

all shook up (really, just for the carrot scene...)

ip man? (i'm sure my dad will watch it with me)

godfather 1-2 (i'm sure i can recruit joe)

star wars 1-3 (probably gonna do that one tonight when people go to sleep)

star trek: first contact

bladerunner

the 11th kingdom (yeah, right.)
lord of the rings (more wishful thinking)

all right. for not that's good. i really want to watch science of sleep though. so i'll make sure that one and star wars definitely happens. don't ask me why. but when i'm in the mood to watch something... i watch star wars. it's a little unhealthy.

"i'm off to the fair!"

which always makes me think of charlotte's web. weird.

hurrah.

thunder and lightning and rain and i sort of want to dance in the rain, but i'm already kind of sick. i don't need to add rain and cold weather to that mix.

-aleey

my brain hurts.

just got back from strudel's. i'm sitting here, on the couch, remembering how hard it is to have privacy in my house again. it's a little scary. felipe and david (felipe's friend) are sitting at the table playing with a calculator. really? a calculator?

my mom, aunt and dad are all cooking. it's cooking day - the diet they're on requires specific meals prepared a specific way in this cookbook they have. so my mom goes out, buys the extra stuff that they need, plans out five days worth of meals, and then makes them all into portions and puts them into the fridge with the number of the meal (five meals a day) and the day of the week (usually labeled 1-5, considering she doesn't make all seven days worth of meals, she'd never sleep). some of the stuff she makes is delicious. like that really good turkey chili that i loved. she's slowly converting everyone in our house.

since they make extra meals and extra food with each recipe, she has a few extra things with a label "f" on them, which means they're free. mmm. one night i had turkey meatloaf and mashed potatoes with green beans. mmm. it was delicious. and man... i can't stop thinking about how good that chili was.

i've been so exhausted. i'm so excited it's spring break. my friend sam took my shift for today (yes!) so i got to relax and have my first real day of spring vacation. i'm just gonna sit here for a bit, maybe take a nice long bath and re-read the stranger later. i've had this strange desire to re-read it and figure out whether or not i agree with his epiphany at the end or not. i remember in high school i thought he was full of it. but i want to try again. i only remember the beginning, with his mother, him napping, him meeting the woman, him killing the guy and his epiphany. i'm sure there's more somewhere in between everything too.

i'm trying to remember all the songs that i put on this one cd that's in my car. let's see:

1: jungle drum

2: i'm still here

...great. i can't remember. i'll go get it out in a few.

there was a huge telephone pole tilted over hanging on the wires on hempstead turnpike. i always enjoy stuff like that. mostly because as it dangles, i can imagine all of the things that caused it, what could happen in fixing it, what people are thinking when they look at it...

i realized i never fully developed. i'm still too much of a kid. i can pretend to be a grown up, but who wants to? i hate it. talking like one, acting like one. i'd rather not. i'd rather go out in the rain for a long walk with headphones thinking about how good it smells and how funny the way people are scared of rain are.

i remember the "tornado" that hit e-rock when i was a kid. we went for a stroll after it had all settled down and there were trees uprooted, vin's lawn was covered in the tree, chris v's back yard was mutilated with tree remnants. i remember this huge weeping willow tree toppled over in one of the parks around from amanda's house. as a kid, i loved that tree. it broke my heart to see it sitting there.

if you look of the exit for freeport, there's a huge tree still on its side by the road. but it isn't any kind of an obstruction, so it doesn't matter.

i'm incredibly comfortable right now. i don't know why. i think it's all strudel's fault. she always manages to make me laugh. i can't remember what we were talking about in the car, but it was hilarious.

i need to go do some writing for a bit, put in a good effort. need to find inspiration. going to peruse some quotes. hmm. i'll pick a few, put them here V---- and then pick one.

"he felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it." - douglas adams

"the aim of life is self-development. to realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for." - oscar wilde

"the most wasted of all days is one without laughter." - e.e cummings

"an opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it." jef mallett

"imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality." - jules de gaultier

"a man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things." - herman melville

"maps encourage boldness. they're like cryptic love letters. they make anything seem possible." - mark jenkins

oh dear:

batty: are you sure?

zack: i'm positive.

batty: only fools are positive.

zack: are you sure?

batty: i'm positive. -pause- oh!

i love ferngully.

i forgot, as i was driving back home, that i was going to write down all of the idiotic things i know for no reason. such as:

mr. rogers had his car stolen once (while he was still alive, obviously). they thieves found out it was his and returned it the next day with a note on it that said "sorry, we didn't know it was yours." legend goes that it even came back cleaned up and beautiful looking.

i can hypnotize a chicken. in case i want to start a chicken army.

after eighty different studies, not in a single one did an ostrich stick its head into the ground.

more common knowledge: you can't eat a tablespoon of cinnamon.

you only ever remember the last few dreams you have. you're technically dreaming all night. that's if you remember them at all.

i'm tired. i can't remember what else i was going to put here.

how mundane! monotonous! insanity - oh dear!

oh, helen! goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!

that's the only shakespeare quote i really enjoy. frak. all right.

<3

-aleey

remember. you'll smile soon.