the reason i still have these feelings for this particular person baffles me. i don't understand. at all. it's sickening, really, because i get so angry and hurt by the most idiotic of things.
unrelated, i think i'm going to try and phase out the word "dude" from my vocabulary, because it makes me sound too androgynous. and i don't want that, because if i'm going to be attractive and female... aww, fuck it, i'm seriously at the point of not fucking caring anymore. what does it all matter anyway?
the phrases i've officially come to read in disdain and get that shiver of dislike when i hear are multiplying, and the funny thing is, i don't even think this person is really... ugh. ughughugh.
if only it were easier.
if only my life were easier.
...whatever.
i'm at joanna's. we're eating delicious chinese bread. tom said i don't need to be at work until one. i'm not moving. i'm going to enjoy the solitude of the moment with my best friend and pretend that my emotions are stable instead of in fuck-all-ville, as per usual.
sometimes i regret having quit smoking.
-aleey.
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