attemptive.

that's how my life has been these past few days. attemptive. i'm aware this isn't a recognized word in the english language, but it best describes how everything has widdled out. also not a word. whatever, i'm after having cared of such things.

so, i was in a bit of a funk. i am now better. oddly enough, i feel happier. it's almost as though things fixed themselves. sort of. i still have the flu, which is god awful, but that's fixing itself slowly. i plan on getting a good nights rest. and finishing an essay. and taking more medicine. and never, ever, ever kissing mike while he's sick ever again (which is such a terrible lie... let's be honest.)

i feel a little underwhelmed with mike some times. i know i really like him and i worry that he just doesn't like me as much. there's my only dilemma. however, we've just started dating (a few days over a week) so it's not incredibly surprising that we still know next to nothing about each other, and yet i still have this... creeping feeling. i'm keeping myself guarded on every front. mostly because the last guy i attempted anything with stopped talking to me for two weeks randomly with no reason and the guy before that decided to leave me for some random short asian big-boobed chick.

i stopped caring about that nonsense personally and in regards to them, but it makes me very skeptical of... well, everything. i just. god, where's vernon and his impeccable explanations of myself when i need him? he does it better than i do (that's sad, i can't lie.)

when i was seeing dave all those years ago (hahahaha, not years, i know) vernon hit the nail on the head. he actually impersonated me perfectly. he said you just need to tell him that he needs to remind you of why he likes you. and then he impersonated me. body language an all. saying "i know it's a little silly and i'm sorry i'm so awkward but i just need a reminder as to why you like me, if you like me, every once in awhile, so i know i'm not alone here" or something akin to that. and hey, in all honesty, it worked. for awhile.

but vernon really did get it right. i just... i need that reminder every once in awhile. it's nice when it happens. hah. love it. i miss that guy. sigh.

i'm not into writing papers, but it needs to get done. sigh. love you all.