ugh.

maybe it's because i'm sick, maybe it's because i feel delusional or maybe it's the stress of finals finally hitting me (or worse, maybe it's all of that nonsense, simultaneously) but i feel.. something. worst of all, it could be something i'm too afraid to put my name to.

so i'm seeing mike, which is nice. i do like him. we get along well and he's adorable. i just have this sinking feeling. it comes from feeling like he doesn't have too-strong feelings for me, mixed with him quite possibly being gay. if it weren't for the fog that i'm in i probably wouldn't even be admitting any of these flying-around thoughts. it hit me last night when i was driving back home (well, was being driven back home, as i didn't have a car) after the witches brew.

minor segue, i just checked my hofstra email and one of them was about music fest. firstly: i don't care about anyone who's at music fest. i don't know anyone except big boi, and who knows if he'll be any good without andre 3000. but anyway, what bugged me was the whole "alumni can came for a donation of 5 dollars". why are they charging them? and if they're gonna charge them, just say you will. say "5 bucks for alumni." be easier and i'd find it less annoying.

anyway.

so this sinking feeling i have. i do think he has some feelings for me (he doesn't seem like a malicious person to just poof appear in a relationship for shits and giggles) but i don't know entirely. it's almost as though i'm just still waiting for someone to find me interesting enough to have around. maybe i'm being melancholy, which is incredibly possible, but who knows.

it doesn't help that i'm sick and i have to work tonight. but i can't call out. i really have to go. it's too late, and if i don't go it'll just be sad. i can't get anyone to cover. and i've known for the past few days that i was sick, so i can't just spontaneously cover this shift. ugh. so foggy.. i'm going to need to get dayquil or something. i won't make it if i don't.

i want to do something and feel accomplished. i don't want to be sick. i want to feel better. i want to... i don't know.

ugh. i hate that sense of missing something that has, yet again, popped it's ugly head into my life.

whatever. i'm too fogged up to put a sentence together properly. whatevs. i'm off.

for now.