"she needs to come back to work full time..."

"...for more quality time."

the face i gave my boss must have been something akin to someone who had not only seen a ghost, but that ghost was the worst person ever to have been apart of their life. at least, his responsive laughter told me so. "just kidding, its sarcasm al."

i was not amused at that idea. there are few people on this planet that i can't stand so much so that i want to ring their neck on a regular basis; this particular girl is one of them. i nearly throttled her several times today... but restrained myself, obviously, as you can see i am not in jail. i am at home however.

and finally feeling a little cooled down, courtesy of the ac blasting in the living room. mm.

also very loudly in my headphones i am listening to trombone shorty, because jesus knows he's fantastic. love this cd and love his music. he's my newest obsession. it's sad.

i was thinking about it, and i don't really know why, but i'm in a terribly amazing move today. something to do with yesterday i think. i got to spend it, all day, with great friends. jo and i met up at barnes and noble, read, then went to see toy story 3, met up with hobbit, ate a scrumdiliumptious bar (which, by the way, was scrumdiliumptious), then watched fireworks and jumped on my trampoline. all in all a great day.

so far i've no plans for later tonight, but i have every intention of remedying that fact. perhaps i'll don a cute skirt and do something with danie, who knows! i've got to do something though, it's beautiful outside and i've yet to do anything... maybe i'll jump on my pogostick some. considering that's always good fun.

you know, it's difficult sort of having feelings for two people. especially when you get along with both of them, and one seems interested, and another you're so uncertain of it's like teetering on a fence that leads one way to sharks and the other to daisies. and i don't like being forward, because i know i'm not exactly a "catch" by standard means. i'm pretty, lean, whatever, et cetera, et cetera, but that doesn't mean i'm gorgeous. i'm weird, i've got all these cooky aspects to my personality, and i'm stranger than most... but hey, i'm interesting?

i think what's really bothering me is i just want someone to... talk to. i've got my best friends, but i want someone to share the stupid things with. the funny things with. someone i can share each moment with, not just several people who will get different sets of things that we both find entertaining, entertaining.

like todays manboob-lactation. or the girl who drives me crazy. and so many other things. like seeing john, and feeling amazing at the idea of collaborating with someone music wise. all of these things drive me bonkers... and i just wish i could find someone, y'know?

but not in that "oh lordy send someone please, i'm so desperate" sort of way, because i am happy where i am, i would just like someone there. it's comfortable, nice to have someone to sit in the arms of, hold hands with, kiss from time to time.

listen. i'm a chick. keep your insults at bay.

well, enough of that sappy nonsense... onto slightly depressing nonsense?

...oy. not depressing. it's just... i was at work, and whenever i'm breaking down boxes, for some reason i always think of... i don't know. christian. and that worries me, that i think so much about him, that i wish so much to come from that... when i know it probably never will. but... he's my brother. i don't know, getting older makes me wish i just knew him and john keith, even though it seems like it'll never happen. well. yeah. haha.

uhm.

trombone shorty is better than this post... go listen to hurricane storm, it's amazing.

hum. i'd like to be kissed sometime soon. humhum.

hurrah.

-aleey.

oh, death. oh, oh, death. won't you spare me over. for another year.

a while ago i started a list of things i wanted to do before i died. now, considering i've preached that i was gonna die sometime before i was twenty-three, this list now needs to be completed within roughly a year and a half, or so. so let's see! i have to update the list, hm? i don't even remember it anymore.

well, i guess it doesn't matter. i don't actually believe i'm going to die soon, so, ha.

so far as updates on my actual life go, things are pretty smooth sailing. i've officially been accepted and set-up with classes at hofstra, and that's a nice little consolation prize after the long break i took from school. work sucks, but that's just normal at this point. i'm trying to get a new job... but that fire is no longer lit, now that i plan on returning to school full time in the fall. tom insists that i'm going to be bored out of my mind working only once a week. i guess we'll see how it goes.

i don't want to have to pull all-nighters, but i'm going to need money... if it means working the weekends and a few nights a week, so be it. it sucks, going to school nine-five each day but what am i gonna do? i want to graduate at some point, i want to drop school like a bad habit at one point.

however...

hmmm.

you are my sweetest downfall
i loved you first, i loved you first
beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
but they're just old light, they're just old light

i love regina spektor. sigh.

the dishwasher is whirring away, i've got hey arnold to watch, and i think i may be able to con a nice looking guy to come visit me.

not really, but a girl can dream ;)

ha. i'm such a cornball.

oh! i was perusing old posts (and/or old blogs) and found the penn pipers singing "down by the salley gardens" and i got chills.

god i miss ireland so much. i'm hoping dave (irish dave) will message me back at some point. i'd love to see how he is.

oh, and here's dead poetic blasting oh so sweetly.

time to relax. (: adieu, mon cheres.

-elie

sleepy.

nothing i'm putting here will matter, ha, i'm just so bored i'm writing in this.

so hi and bye and goodnight.

"say goodnight grace."
"goodnight grace!"

-aleey

my head is dizzy

well, this weeks been an interesting summation of highs and lows. mostly highs, thankfully. i'm extremely exhausted however.

main good points:
lots of deadpool reading.
had some fabulous events with girls from work/danielle.
had a loooong couple of days at work that made me feel happy.
fell asleep at eight pm. (:

there's more. i think there's more to think about. argh.

why! bye!

-aleey.

it's like picking up trash in dresses.

try me five times today and i'll crack like a walnut, try me six and i'll crumble like dried out bread

try me seven times, try me, seven times
and i'll be as easily broken as the thinnest of ice

but don't count on me to show you anything

because i never could, i never can, i never will

sorry, play again?

and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like picking up trash in dresses
and it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
kind of turn themselves into blades
and the kind and courteous is a life i've heard
but it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
oh, dear

a nutella flavored finger tip, salty skin and bread and peanut butter
wash me down with milk.

today was a bingo wednesday. and oh, the adventures i had.

the jacks and the early birds were all in a different box. so sharon and i went on an adventure from maspeth (closer to manhattan) to jamaica (just outside of flushing.)

eventually we achieved getting what we needed. and went back. and sold. i got twenty bucks extra. (: because one of the people we knew won the jackpot full card. (1000 bucks. niiiiice.) so i got some extra dough.

not that i can use it for anything personally. i'm so hard up for money these days i'm thinking of doing something crazy.

...no, not really.

...maybe.

my stomachs in knots. thank you, world, for making me one of the most obscurely ridiculous people alive.

really.

i appreciate this.

thanks.

well. now. let's see... right! i'm not ever going to work for apple. now i need to look, seriously look, for a better job.

because what i make an hour isn't cutting it anymore. so, yar.

i want to do something today. perhaps i shall don a beautiful skirt and some cute shoes and bug joanna to go out with me to... hm. maybe we'll go to the brew. or the cup. get some coffee and play some card games.

she needs to distractions. and i wouldn't mind a few hours with my best friend spent doing nothing other than talking and making jokes and having fun.

so, yes. so far i lean toward that.

this shit is bananas. b-a-n-a-n-a-s.

-aleey.

ps: i downloaded the pokemon theme song and the pokerap via itunes. yes, bask in the nerdiness that is my life.

get the cool

get the cool shoe shine.

they do the bump.

feathers of an arrow.

i think my ipod and i are just in sync lately. re-bought "the sound" by further seems forever.

have "jim's theme" from that movie treasure planet.

i feel like dance, dance, dancing.

maybe.

oy! school!

i should sleep.

...please, snow, stop.

please.

-aleey.

so let me explain.

my mom is one of the most amazing people to ever walk this planet.

having her, in a hospital bed, helpless, and alone at night, is not my ideal predicament.

seeing her laying in that hospital bed breaks my heart. watching her move, in pain, around her room, sort of kills me inside. i hate it. i hate this whole... fucked up stupidity.

i really do.

anyway.

i miss her. i really do. i think life just isn't the same without her here. i love her smile, her laugh, everything. i just can't deal with her not being here, it's driving me up the wall.

on another note, i cried today at work a few times. also, james is amazing. he sent me a random text, (right when i was mid-tears mind you) that just said: "this text is encrypted with love."

i couldn't even respond that's how much i just... i just needed something really quick and simple like that. it made me smile. he bypassed all the frivolous, the stupid and mundane, the routine "how're you", and got straight to the point, and the point was to make me smile, and make me smile it did.

i was told i was beautiful today by a customer. that also made my day brighter. and by the end of my shift (and after a particularly well-made triple tall marble mocha macchiato with raspberry and non-fat milk and extra chocolate drizzle) i was feeling significantly better.

there was so much more that i had intended to be in this update... what can i say. i'm possibly no longer enrolled in school because there was a mix-up with my financial aid. literally may be screwed over. i hate it. that letter broke my heart today; right before work none the less.

however... i am so in love with the random shuffle of music that's been happening on my itouch. i have so little music on there, but all of it (minus the majority of the d-sides gorillaz album that i'm sure will just take some time for me to love) makes me smile.

saw a ghost of dave slattery earlier this week. caught me off guard. it obviously wasn't him, dave is in ireland. but. it made me wonder how he is.

too bad i'm too chicken to email him again; it just didn't end well.

which is a shame. i hate it.

i'm such a coward - oy!

valentines day! FUCK.

i'm not looking forward to that at all. don't get me wrong; i'm not some pompous moron who believes that all of these hallmark holidays are as superfluous as the people who celebrity them (okay, maybe a little bit). i just don't want to close. and not feel loved.

well. "not feel loved" is a bit over dramatic. i know i'm loved.

but who doesn't want a soft kiss on a day that's supposedly ridiculously romantic?

whatever.

the gorillaz and i have a lovely date with some penne ala vodka from diana's horrible day she had last night and the last few episodes of dead like me (which is great. go watch it.)

i think i'm going to make a list of sorts sometime soon... things that still really make me happy.

unfiltered, of course.

adieu? for now.

only for now.

-aleey.

ps. hey, smile. you're breathing, right?

so, right.

today started fine, with class and home and showering and work, but then i don't know... work took off in this negative way, and now i'm just...

i don't know. i don't want to go in tomorrow, i don't want to see people, i sort of just want to cry, the problem is there's no reason behind... any of it.

i want to see you.

is hating myself appropriate when there's no good reason to not?

fuck i sound like a whiny depressed bitch.

i don't mean to. my life isn't terrible.

i just.

whatever.

-aleey.

"let me be frank." "all right frank, let me be bullwinkle."

not that it has anything to do with the complicated feelings coursing through me, making it difficult to breathe.

ever feel like a weight is sitting on you, pressing you down, making it so every single microscopic moment you live and every single millisecond you spend is now being judged and scrutinized by one of the most important people? that's how i feel. i'm this huge box of inexplicable emotions, this pandora's cage of the beating of my heart and i can't find a way out.

i love her. i do. i love her whole-heartedly. and feeling like i'm the hugest disappointment since atheists in her eyes makes my heart sink to my stomach. i'm not good enough. i'm not good enough for her. i'm not good enough for her adoration, for her full respect.

that's what it feels like. it feels like i'm suddenly the worst child in the world again. and that's saying something, considering up until recently, she and i had been on a very flat and level plain. and then diana pointed out the most blaring-obvious truth that i must have been blinded to all this time: i really can't tell her everything.

i've viewed her as my best friend; professed that i can trust her, that she's one of my shoulders to cry on, and now all of sudden she just... she isn't. i love her so much, and i want that strong, trusting relationship, and i know that it's built slowly over time and with care and love but... but i thought so much more of this, and all of a sudden she's just...

stopped.

it's all just stopped. all of a sudden i'm no longer good enough. and some of it stems from the fact that i have trouble grasping the solidity she finds in christianity. it just isn't for me, at least not now, not with all of these questions, and if i had the clarity and the profound faith that she did, it'd be different. but i don't, and i haven't, for awhile.

and they always say that doing things just for others is wrong. i can't keep pretending to be christian for her. i can't. i could hide it all i wanted to, go to church, keep up the facade, and do what i really wanted behind her back, but what's worse? hiding? or feeling accepted.

accepted.

i'm not doing drugs, i'm not having promiscuous sex, jesus - the guy i'm "seeing" lives in chicago for god sake. i don't get to do anything more than just talk to him.

side-note: it's definitely saying something when "just talking" to someone is enough to make me happy. end side-note.

i can't even cry over this. i can't. part of me just wants to run the fuck away and hope that someday she'll want to love and accept me regardless of what and who i do and don't believe in. maybe just maybe having decent morals, a good disposition and a healthy work attitude will be enough.

i hate feeling this way. i absolutely, positively hate it. i just... i wish i could fix it, i wish i could mend those fences. it's like that time i was in ireland, when i came back and she was... broken.

being me seems to be the root of the problem. but why do i have to hide who i am to the people who i thought would accept me no matter what? why do i feel like pretending to be what and who they want and need me to be is the only way i'll be able to see her smile?

i can't. i can't do that. i refuse to. i've grown the backbone she always told me to grow.

too bad it had to be in response to... well, to her.

...this fucking sucks.

-aleey.

ps: she's going into surgery on the eleventh. keep her in your prayers or thoughts or... or whatever it is you do. she'll be out of work for about a month. perhaps longer.

explain this cage

i don't think i understand things so much anymore. i mean, i realize that i'm in a good place.. but for some reason it doesn't seem good enough for anyone else.

i know being just content isn't something i should "dwell in" so to speak, but i'm happy where i am. happier than i've been in a while. and yet... i feel like i'm this huge disappointment to anyone and everyone, and i'm tired of feeling as if i can't be good at a damn thing. i'm just failing. i'm terrible, it seems. but, not enough so that it effects me. as in, i'm at the point where regardless of whether or not i feel like people are disappointed in my life choices, i don't... i don't care enough.

i've made these decisions on my own, i've carved out my own life. is it entirely what i dreamed of, no. but am i happy with a job, a house to live in, an amazing family and great friends? yes. yes i am.

there isn't anything else i really want right now.

at all.

so vibes get the fuck off my shit. i'm tired of feeling you creeping in, i'm happy, i'm smiling, and i don't need all of that.

i don't.

thanks.

-aleey.

so, fine.

not "so fine", as in "that person's ass is so fine." so, fine. as in, so, fine, whatever?

kind of.

i'm freezing at the moment. i went from practically sweating my limbs off at work in a sea of clothing that i don't like wearing to freezing in the same clothes. i want to shower so badly, but i'm so lazy and this stupid kidney-esque infection is starting to drive me crazy. i want it to go away. if it isn't gone by saturday, i'm going to the doctor. because not-fun things happen.

i hope no one really reads this... because i'm about to be unbelievably open about something only a few people really know the extent of.

i'm bisexual. and right now, i just want a girlfriend so badly, it's starting to drive me while. the few guys that i like right now are either out of reach, not interested, or both. and sure, i'd probably jump at a chance to be with one of them, but i really just... want a cute girlfriend to kiss.

unrelated.

work is getting old to me. i love my job, i do. but i'm getting so tired of everything.

i have a serious goal. to own something.

it'll happen.

...okay, going to write and read.

BYE. :3

-aleey.

thirteenseconds poem and why life

thirteenseconds
she was quiet, oh so quiet
don't say it, don't be it, don't breathe it
she was quiet... so quiet.
thirteenseconds
of time passed and it was just enough
just enough of a thought
and after thought
and inner though and outer thought and
fucking fear and suddenly
you're too goddamn scared all the goddamn time
she says
she says it so loud i can't hear it anymore
all i hear is her voice
and i quiver
thirteenseconds
of my fucking fears
growing deep in the pit of my stomach
a mistake so quick so fast so horrible
damnit, damnit, damnit, damnitdamnitdamnit
my dreams melting down into those
cracks
fucking fear cracks, that's what they are
cracks of fear crinkling over my
subconscious
and my skeleton quivers
my fucking bones
marrow and tendons and ligaments and
everything makes me feel sick to my stomach
she laughs, smiles, laughs, says things
lots of things
i don't hear them
i can't hear them
they're in her voice
and it kills me that it's not to me
she's saying so many things
too many things, too many things and too many more things
thirteenseconds
was my goodbye, fucking goodbye
in less than half of half of a minute
and watching i remember why
and why not
and who and who not
no, no more, no thanks
skinskinskinskinskin on more skin
smooth and soft and warm but
so far, not mine
not mine
just
thirteenseconds.

yeah, in a mood folks. work was sort of... whatever. hobbit visited with frito, and that was nice, i don't get to see either of them enough. and there was some talk of them getting me drunk off my ass sometime soon. and that's not good. i do stupid shit when i'm drunk... and god knows i'm a moron half the world's time as is, i don't need to keep giving myself more chances to make dumb mistakes.

are there smart mistakes? i know there are "happy accidents" (aka children).

my head hurts. there's someone i'm missing terribly, but i can't be obvious, because every time that i'm too obvious and weird, i drive people away. and i don't want to drive anyone else away, i just want to be happy and feel happy, so i'm kicking myself for thinking i'm not, cause i am.

i just feel like a failure. everyone keeps saying go to school, go to school, get your degree and i get it, i left school for a bit, i need that break. i get it. it wasn't too smart. but no one's perfect. i hate feeling like i'm not good enough. and with my dad at dinner saying all of those "both of my kids could get a's, if they tried, but they're both so goal-less, they don't have the drive" thanks i get it, i don't have the drive i get it i know i know i know i know i fucking know that i'm nothing in this world these days. it makes sense, too, i think. feeling like a failure. but i don't unless other people seem disappointed.

i, as myself, in myself, with myself, don't feel like a failure. i feel like a fucking twenty-one year old who is taking her goddamn time doing everything she can to be happy, going at my own pace. i could still graduate before i'm even twenty-three if i really wanted to, be on my way to grad school and the like if i get some grades tricked around. i could also not go back to school and slum around broadway for a job as an extra hand or a stage hand or a stage manager. but what i really want to do is open a cafe and have conversations with people who disagree with america's display of capitalism and who read literature and who love oscar wilde and kafka and hume in his weird way and enjoy listening to other people read poetry and stories and sing songs and strum on guitar strongs that are going to break.

why can't life be where it should be at all times, instead of stuck in different states around the country.

why.

visiting dave tomorrow... which is going to be interesting. it'll be the first time i hang out with him since i've, y'know, officially moved on in a way. it doesn't help that i'm going to be there, wishing he were a someone in a someplace with some kind of dark curly hair. but am i just thinking too much in my box again? always,always,always with my commas and my punctuation.

i think i really miss vernon, too, because he always gives the best hugs and the biggest smiles and does this head-cocked-to-the-side thing whenever he's impersonating me, and god he knows me better than anyone when it comes to my insides. he reads my heart like a third-grade girl reads nancy drew in a haste to be a sleuth herself.

dreaming of a body next to me, but not enough to let it control me.

unrelated: the gorillaz really are awesome. every time a new song of theirs pops up on my ipod i'm just like "wow... i keep forgetting how good these guys really are."

like "12d3." which is my favorite right now, followed closely by "latin simone" and some song about sunshine in a bag.

going back to reading... might try to write a story or five. have work at seven tomorrow.

movement from this comfortable bed isn't an option. sorry. unless you love me enough to kiss my forehead.

then maybe i'll move. maybemaybemaybe.

-aleey.

mere.

mere is an elegant word to me. i don't exactly know why.

anyway.

the mere fact that my mother has, somehow, let her unhappiness sink into the very marrow of her bones means that no one, and i mean no one, can truly smile and be happy in the house. it's like there's a heavy weight in the air. it's her aura, and when her aura is like that, it fucks everything up.

everything.

i can't even feel happy, i feel like crying. the woman believes herself to be a failure with my brother and i, but she isn't, i thank her for the way she raised me. i've made my own decisions, they aren't her fault when they come out wrong, or her guidance when they come out right. i've decided them on my own; she instilled in me the set of morals and rules i guide my life on, i am the final say in the matter.

however, acting like this, sour and hurt and unable to remain as loving and motherly as she did and has and will certainly again, that's when she fails us. she doesn't realize the effect she has on us. she doesn't see just how much it hurts, knowing she feels this way - because then we feel like disappointments.

at least, i do. my brother is a fucking moron who is lucky he knows how to breathe some days, but, again, that's another story.

i'm just tired. i have to work these next three days (today included), and then have to go into queens on tuesday for school purposes, and i'm fairly certain my goddamn head is going to fall the fuck right off at this point.

the book i'm reading, however, is good. grab on to me tightly as if i knew the way by bryan charles. it's delicious. and poetic. fun, and youthful. very much from the mind of a high school student.

whatever, i'm tired. workworkworkworkworkwork sucks.

-aleey.

huh.

i don't care enough. do not. there are so many things about you that i don't care about that right now, it's not even funny anymore.

i guess i say this out of hate, out of anger. because it stung. it hurt. it was mean. and it threw me off kilter. it was wrong.

i'm not perfect.

i'm human. if you think less of me, that's your own damn business.

do not.

fucking.

broadcast it.

...that's all for now.

-aleey.

the meaning of life

shoes
boys
love
women
tea
moments between moments
laughter
children
snowflakes
seeing the sunrise
knowing what you want to do
knowing what you should do
being with someone

so many people speculate. what is the meaning of life, where doesn't it come from, how is still existing. no one realizes. no one wants to realize that the meaning of life is circumstantial. or no existent. there is no meaning in life, only meaning in moments, in seconds, in how you live your life, more so. take this very moment. i'm sitting here, writing, waiting for the water to boil so i can have some deliciously watered-down hot chocolate (because if it's made with milk it's too thick) thinking about how much i really want to watch "streets of fire" with michael pare, diane lane and willem dafoe (don't knock my dafoe kick, the guy is pretty much awesome.)


but if i could be where i want to be, which isn't sitting here looking like a bum but instead outside on my pogostick, well i don't know if that would make the meaning in my life any different. and it's not truly that i don't want to be here; life is moments built up where people either sit and recognize that the moment is good, or live their life wondering if the moment would have been better if... but the what ifs and the is the grass greener moments just complicate life.

stop complicating life when you know there's no reason to do it. i wish i didn't. if i could restfully dream of butterflies and banjos and penguins instead of what i wish i was doing with who i wish i was doing it with, i think the absolutely crazy lifestyle i've conceived for myself would be less hectic. but i don't. there's drama in my heart, because i don't know how to smile sometimes.

except now. the water's boiling. and i'm going to drink hot chocolate from a penguin mug. that makes me smile.


the mug is a cute little penguin. with a head that comes off for the drinks. and the head goes back on, to keep it warm. it's beautiful.


hum. perhaps i'll do a devilishly girly thing today and get my nails done. or, perhaps, see if people want to stop by for some scrabble playing, tea and coffee having fun.

or maybe i'll sit, by myself and catch up on craig ferguson.

who knows. the possibilities are endless.

and that's how i know my life has meaning. because i'm enjoying it. (:

-aleey.

timing is everything.

well, all, (and by all i mean the internet, not any mysterious followers i've accrued) i'm back from chicago, and it was lovely, to say the least. and i'm listening to jason mraz 'coyotes' which always makes me happy, because there's the slightly "operatic" part that i found out (while seeing him live) he does himself, and by hell if that doesn't amuse me beyond all reason.

oh shite, i need to call aaron back. i forgot. all right, after i splurge on some blog writing for therapeutic purposes, i'll cozy up on the steps for ten minutes and discuss the ludicrous video he posted for me. rufus a tit man - sure, we'll go with that.

so ramblemumble on the past few days
eddie izzard
long drive to chicago
even longer drive to chicago
no, really, it was way long
so much snow
big hug for mario/from mario
my foot going numb (lead-foot ish)
taking the "orange line"
looking like a tourist
seeing downtown chicago
admiring the snow
itching to write, no materials
trees
beautiful trees
seriously beautiful trees
trekking to see beautiful things
saw day-breakers

segue about day-breakers
it was terrible. i mean really, really terrible. bad vampire movie times a million. something stupid, something ridiculous. it was funny, and i mean, willem dafoe saying "it's like bare-backing a five dollar whore" was great, something about "i love a good bbq" or sam neill's "shit happens, you don't die" because of being a vampire. it could've been better. the climax came too soon, it fell way to quickly, there were no real relate-able characters, and you sort of walked away feeling like it was stupid. i reiterate. stupid.

mmm, more jason mraz.

back to ramblemumble:
trekking through navy pier
to magnificent mile
bought new sneakers
(heels, snow, walking and chicago don't mesh)
cold air
really cold air
eddie izzard
OMG EDDIE IZZARD
joe frolicking down damen
lots of people
silly eddie
raptors
jazz chicken
eighteen foot spears
flicking off hitler's head
going back to mario's
peacing out
breakfast, bacon and eggs
knocked up
zombieland
the bean
wandering around the land of chicago
bar
drunk
bad train ride
sleep
woke up late
started driving late
sad farewell
sad farewell
one more sad farewell
wait, forgot my shoes
one more sad farewell
long drive
stuck in traffic
burritos
more eddie izzard
sleeping, sort of
the book i bought
lost in joe's car
got home at three-thirty
yeah, yeah, yeah.

in a nutshell, that is.

i want to try to play some final fantasy ix tonight... maybe. have to talk to oz, reassure him i love him and don't want to not be friends. silly people.

oh right. aaron. have to call him.

...things i didn't miss:
my phone
children
getting up early for work
people complaining
someone talking to me needlessly
insecurity
sleeping alone.

-aleey.

sort of hungry?

i hate funks. they're certainly unpleasant. and with the days turning from lame to more lame, disappointment has sort of become the underbelly of the monster that is my raging life.

what with jo out of work, pete and the julia having that whole breaking up issue, tom being... i don't know, just a friend, dave being dave and lame and doing that "let's do something" thing then ditching me (it just bugs me when i get my hopes up to hang out with a friend and then get ditched. hence, plans that are set in stone with a few certain awesome people.)

also, i was supposed to leave wednesday for chicago - now it's thursday. because joe has work. and didn't realize. which sort of sucks, y'know? so that was a put down. and i'm in a funk after being told that the way i dressed was... unattractive i guess. and then having someone agree was just lame.

i like braided pigtails. and my glasses. fuck you for thinking they don't mesh. douches.

with that being said, my teeth hurt, i have work at seven am, but have the prospect of seeing beautiful people tomorrow, so i shan't complain.

good eve.

-aleey.